September 18, 2019
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OAP006: Sacrificing For Your Family, Daddy Issues and Spirituality Large



what's up welcome back to opposites attract podcast this is your girl Sonya and I'm sitting here next to Miguel Ramirez how you doing babe been a busy week yeah good day though it's been a busy week a good day a lot of challenges a lot of growth within this week yeah you know a lot of we've had a lot of stuff going on this week yeah family events yeah yeah for sure so we had a the kids are signed up for jujitsu fight like I know we talked about it on the last podcast but we signed them up for their first jujitsu tournament which is gonna be pretty cool I'm nervous about that by the way why just I personally don't feel that they're ready for it yeah I mean but like I said before some some of the people that I've talked to they said you know putting them in it kind of brought it out of them you know brought that fire out of them to actually make them scrap you know I think Joey I think I'm more worried for Audrey yeah Joey yes Joey is crap if he wants to the only thing is if Joey loses then we're gonna have to be dealing with that yeah it's okay and you know and he will lose eventually so if it's not this time maybe next time but he will lose and that's part of learning and growing so yeah but it also helps to that you're there yeah you know you're there they see they that they have your support and guidance yeah and no matter what you know we will talk to them and I already told them about the tournament I was like look I want you to do well I want you to scrap I was like but if you tap it's okay if you lose it's okay I was like I still love you no matter what whether you win whether you lose it doesn't matter right I just want you to do your best that's it so they know that so we also had a man they got these extracurriculars like all these things at school it's like uh yeah and you know what one thing they have a bunch of stuff after school which is alright but then have stuff at like 10 o'clock in the morning they who is supposed to be going to these things well a lot of the parents I mean in this neighborhood are stay at home whether the mom like that's yes this is and then you know Audrey like I get the guilt trip like dad are you gonna are you gonna be there you're gonna take the day I'm like no I got to work sorry yeah and guess what your mom's got to work too yeah you know if it's after school then we'll make it work so yeah but uh earlier this week Audrey had that uh she had a choir performance and we really didn't know much about it she just kind of sprung it on us like hey we got a performance this week and I thought it was like a little thing but it was like a full-on choir performance I have a confession what's that I think I told you what so you already knew but you didn't say anything well what happened was what happened was okay so I have to get up on Thursday I mean I get up early anyway with you but it's even more it's just a pain in the butt because now you know I'm getting up at 4:30 with you yeah she has to be at choir ready to go and lately you've been putting that on her yeah well she's nine no that's good and then I have a networking event at 8 o'clock so in order for that to work out smoothly like I need her up and at it I need her with me helping me make their lunch helping me with Joey cuz Joey has to go with her yeah all this going on no she didn't tell me oh she's like me no what the heck was going on but the teacher who's it absolutely on top of her sent like a letter at the beginning when she just started though and I can't say most moms cuz I don't know if your mom if this is something you would have done or if it were to slip by or whatever but I had you know invite whatever just a breakdown of the days that they have practice and rehearse schedules yes and I ended up I guess getting busy I just never put it in my phone because what happened was I had text her what she's like hahahaha pun was I had texture she's like oh she's like I sent that home at the very beginning like the schedule at the very beginning so like do you mean all those papers that had it all away so anyways they want to save the trees how many papers oh my god anyway so yeah mommy forgot to put it in her schedule but with the quiet so you weren't able to go to the choir theme because you had a signing for business yeah and I can't we had jiu-jitsu that day but we kind of rearrange things so that she could go to the choir and I was there and then when we got home we had a little bit of a situation with Audrey that's all she was like upset that you weren't there right well what did she say she's like she was asking you why you weren't there why I wasn't there and then she said you say cuz I do families first and families first she's like using my own with on me she's a Jedi mind tricks on you you know and she she caught me off guard because yes family is first but there's no way that we would be where we are today if we didn't bust our butts and work you know there's some things and I go visit them during lunch I mean I'm here in the morning I see them off and so when she says something like that I expect you to have my back and I did and you did so yeah but for at first you assumed that I didn't I don't know why because I didn't hear you say anything it was like if she makes that remark and I'm not with you guys you know so when she did did she yeah in the car and see what happens is is that when I hear that I start to feel guilty yeah and I will push back like meaning like push the business back I will push the business back because I start to like it's like I sabotage my success when I start to feel guilty that I'm not here for you then I'm not here for the kids that I'm not around I'm not you know I'm saying cuz that's that was me before yeah seems like that's something that's hard for women in business I guess because it what what the hell do I know about women in business no but I would imagine like yeah for men usually it's like hey that's what the man does he works he's got to work dad he's got to stay late daddy's got to work the weekend daddy's got a you know that's what daddy does but it seems like for women it's a little bit harder you know to sacrifice the family time for the business like since we're on the topic now we're gonna get deep into it but there's times where I can't be at certain events and you will take them yeah you know and then I see you'll put pictures up or you'll tag me and I'll see that and it hits me and my gut like I just because you're not there cuz I'm not there ah and it gets to me look at my eyes already getting water but no it wholly affects me and so that's why for me to be balanced as long as I feel that I am present and I'm being there for them then I'd be okay just like that day just recently when she brought that up it didn't hurt me because I know that I'm putting way more effort into being present and to being here with you and the kids yeah you know like you guys are my priority before I had everything off of there I mean it was like business business you were putting the kids to bed every night like yeah I looked at my calendar and I didn't I couldn't even comprehend how I was able to do everything I was doing yeah I realized I was doing it and you guys weren't yeah so do you know what this reminds me of a few years back when we were both kind of working the business together and like I remember one of the big selling points for working for yourself is that you can make your own schedule like you know you only have a little bit of time you can work it but they don't like sometimes people don't understand exactly how much you're gonna have to put into it mm-hmm the nights that you're not gonna be home you're gonna be doing a presentation the nights that you have to run out because somebody needs help with something somebody on your team or somebody you know come gets back to you and the only time they have to meet is this time and now you know I gotta go you know and at one point you were working and I was working you were doing stuff and I'm doing presentations at the same time I mean we had a babysitter for the kids and I remember talking to one of the top people in LegalShield you know one of our friends and I was asking them like look we always talk about this selling point like you guys on your own terms you do this on your spare time free time your this is about time freedom you know because what if you had all the money in the world it you don't have any time right or if you have all the time in the world you don't have any money well with this you can get both right like we always talk about this stuff but you know he kind of explained it to me like yeah that may not be true and he was like when it comes to any family breaking or changing the legacy of their family there is the one generation that sacrificed everything because without like like you may not get all the time with your family you may not have all the time with your kids but if you do it right you will change this for them forever they will have the time with their kids because you because you did this yeah you know so that's something that a lot of people don't realize I mean yeah it's a selling point for the business but I mean if you think about it any big like major company or anything that was that that got big that started from nothing I mean you can only imagine how many hours in the work that got put into it it doesn't just happen you know by chance know like they grind it out right you know so and that's when when Audrey brought this up I think it was like a couple of days before that that you went shopping with her to freaking bed or bath and Bodyworks and then not only that you came home not expecting to but with a couple pairs of shoes for her and then I went and bought shoes for Joey and then you know like then that's something that we had to like talk to them about we had to remind them like hey you think this stuff is free yeah so after she made that comment I looked down and she was wearing those pretty gray and pink Nikes I bought her and I said how do you think we bought those nice shoes you're wearing how do you think we you know so I don't know and I just I don't want to raise kids that Phil entitled yes I want to lead by example and show them the grind you know but it seems like those that have suffered or maybe grew up in humble beginnings we are the ones that strive to give our children everything we wish we had growing up and which ends up jacking them up jacking them up yeah because the most important thing I think for a kid to have like I've I've talked to you about this before is like hustle to have motivation to have you know the the grind like I mean because with that even if you don't do good in school you don't do well you can still learn if your interests and have a work ethic with those two things even if you don't do well at school you'll be alright yeah I think yeah you know you don't have to have a degree from a prestigious school or a degree at all because you know what when I was younger I didn't have there was no way that I was thinking about going to college with I barely made it out of high school that was like the farthest thing from my mind but as you get older you get curious you get motivated you know if you have that you'll be okay yeah and I feel that you're we are helping them with well setting the tone for that I mean the whole lemonade stand yeah a little helicopter helicopters you know well we have we haven't explained that so with the kids we well we've done a lemonade stand which is a pretty typical thing did you finish that beer yeah damn or swallowed it you just opened it I got more yeah okay I gotta get through all these I got I gotta get oh the more I drink the more I gotta get at more drinks no was so we started the the lemonade stand is a typical thing when we went to Italy in Spain they had these little LED like wrist rocket things that you shoot up in the air with a rubber band and they were selling them for like three euros apiece which is like four bucks maybe so I was like these are no more than like a few cents so we ended up finding them online and for 50 cents apiece and the kids bought like 200 and I told them I'll say you can take money out of your piggy bank as long as you use that money to make more money and then you can put the money back in the piggy bank so they ended up buying a bunch and then we took them to like one of the kids events it was a monster Jam – I thought Joey was gonna throw a fit because he's like yeah we're gonna take in a monster Jam and he got all excited and you're like to sell to work you're working you're working Monster Jam you're not going inside you're gonna be standing outside so yeah you know what but he did really well like he was you you know what at the lemonade stand he's the one that did really well – he picked up real fast that not everybody says yes like he picked that up and he was like on to the next person to the next person where Audrey was kind of getting our feelings hurt a little bit like they're not saying yes they're not saying they're not buying lemonade they're not buying the helicopters and Joey was like you want to buy one you want a one four three two four five and he's just like going from person to person buying helicopter or selling right but I think you know that's a good thing for them to to learn but also they'll learn by example like right now they're young they're immature they don't understand but as they get older they will understand yeah like Bill remember the house that they were born in the house that they spent the first few years in then don't remember the house that we moved into after that the difference in the neighborhoods I mean we still have that house so we go back there and you can tell the difference so bringing all this up and we weren't ever going to talk about this but I think it's very important because I come from very humble beginnings Miguel comes from very humble beginnings but I had it worse than you Yeah right thanks so cuz your mom said it like they had money like you were okay you didn't have that yeah so I grew up Salvation Army projects right around the block from the projects but some of my friends were in the projects and you know my mom lives in a studio so they get to see you know yeah well this Sunday we were invited to a friend's house yeah and this home is in quite a dream hallelujah no it's it's hard to explain yeah it's beautiful I mean absolutely amazing it's like one of those houses that I mean we went to go look at a dream building so when we were in well not one we were still but in LegalShield we did this thing called dream building so we went to this neighborhood in Tucson I think was called oral Valley and houses over there because I remember the houses I mean the house was over there were insane I mean it was just like stuff that you see like on MTV Cribs right yeah so yeah Audrey's friend's mom invited us out to barbecue and walk into this house and absolutely breathtaking and so she has a friend you know so she's able to see the difference in the way they live the way we live and the way my mom lives yeah you know they don't see that like there's yeah but they will eventually they'll realize the difference eventually once they get older I think and I think that would be a that's gonna be a good but it's the same machine for them yeah it's the same thing with work though because right now they may not understand why mommy wasn't at the choir rehearsal but as Audrey gets older and once she starts understanding and it may even take two when she has kids of her own and she realizes what it's like to have to pay bills you know to make a mortgage payment to keep the electricity on and then she's gonna be like holy man I remember you know dad was doing this and mom was always doing this and you know but some but you know what somebody was always there yeah somebody was always there yep whether it was mom there and dad was working or mom was working and dad was there somebody was there yeah because when you work Thursday's where you're working seven days a week yeah you know you're working Friday Saturday Sunday and mommy's there in the morning yeah you know yeah it's I think it's a good thing it's a good battle I think they'll remember it and I think it'll have a good impact on them and hopefully it's something that you know they can use when they need some motivation I mean cuz usually when you hear adults like I don't I I think about athletes sometimes when they talk about like where did you get it from they're like I got it from my mom like I remember you you hear athletes all the time when they're like my mom used to work two or three jobs so that I could you know play football or whatever like she paid for the football league and she used to make ends meet and no matter what she always made it happen and she was always at the games you know or whatever like they people I think remember that when they get older and they look back at it yeah but I did have to find the balance because if you're not there if you're not present if your kids are not you know society's raising your kids well you there is also there has to be a balance you know like there's certain things that in the business that you may have to say no to so that you can be there for the kids yes like some things that just don't make a difference like it just doesn't matter so it's like you know what I'm not gonna do that I'm gonna go be with my family right instead but I mean but there are some things that you are gonna have to sacrifice the family and it's not sacrificing you're sacrificing for the family right yeah so [Laughter] yeah so that was a that was a little situation that we had this week I got a magic I got a magic six pack that keeps getting refilled over here so I also I got the opportunity to speak at Luke yes yeah you were there that was awesome and this is something that I've talked to you about for a while and like I told you I think about when it comes to work I think we were talking about one of the previous podcasts how nothing is free mm-hmm it may seem free at the time but nothing is really free you know the the military is something that's important to me and I've wanted to do more and volunteer more yeah do more for the military volunteer more and one of the things that I've been trying to do is get to the base and you know speak to the young troops and you know just share some of my experiences that I've had and you know throughout the things that I've done at work somehow that ended up with me speaking at Luke Air Force Base throwing it out in the universe maybe and it came back full circle yeah God heard you yeah that's what you want well yeah so well what I did at Luke was there was people that were retiring so I was speaking to them about you know what I do for work and the transition from being military to being a civilian and things that are important to look out for and things like that I didn't really know too much about it going into it like I was completely thrown off when I got there but um now I know what to expect and I think the next time I do it it'll be a lot better because I'll be better prepared and know what um you know exactly what I'll be talking about but it was cool it was cool being there I mean I spent four years there it's almost like kind of like growing up there because I was so young I was like 18 I spent 18 to like 22 there you know so hopefully it leads tomorrow again yeah the right people are in the room yeah one thing that that reminded me of is uh sometimes when people do things they feel like like somebody might look at some another person that lands a position or that something happens to them and they're like man like they're so lucky that that happened it's like they're not lucky like sometimes the luck only happens to the people that work the people that get out there mm-hmm because the luck doesn't happen to the people that are just chillin on the couch they don't usually they don't get much luck right now it's funny that you bring that up because I just had a notary who was looking at opening up their own business and she's like how did you get so lucky with you know two years getting two contracts more title companies mm-hmm agreements that they'll use your services and I said oh now this isn't luck I've been networking for 12 years like even though it's been through Legal Shield I've been working on these relationships for a while twelve long years so it's not like I just went in and got it I mean you know yeah took a lot of work took a lot of effort yeah took a lot of nights late nights meeting people going out with people just relax find them coffee you know yep so yeah it's it's interesting like some sometimes people just don't understand well it's because they don't see the work that you're doing behind closed doors yeah behind the scenes right yeah you know like yeah and you're always hustling at work meaning I mean you're always looking for the next thing what can I do to get better and you're always willing to you know volunteering you were doing those tour yeah I was doing tours for awhile I was giving tours of the facility yeah like you don't have to do that they weren't painting I mean extra to do that no no but it's just something else it's an extra thing that I can do you never know you never know who you're gonna meet yeah and like that's just the thing is that when somebody sees a person's face that they remember before it's like you know what I don't remember their name I don't know exactly who they are but I remember last time I met them that was a sharp person or they you know they seemed pretty cool so you know maybe we'll give them a shot and then somebody may look at it's like how did they end up doing it that guy's lucky yeah they don't realize that's why it's always important to be kind your kind be nice you know it's just people don't what did I put this on Facebook people don't know they don't care how much you know I don't know yeah I don't know what you know until they know how much you care I butcher that yeah people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care yeah yeah yeah jerk yeah true it reminds me of there's like with the way that music has changed in the last few years at least rap music because that's something that I've I grew up listening to something that I like and over the years it's changed and a few years ago it was I mean it was terrible but I remember like listening to this one and I'm just like I just don't get it I don't see it I can't understand what's going on here and I think I brought it up to you about how somebody that maybe doesn't have the same amount of skill like maybe they're not gifted with the skill but if they hustle if they work hard and they keep working I mean they can build an audience oh yeah and they did it like I'm like this is in my opinion this is garbage but their multi-million dollar wrapper so what Who am I to say so the only way that I could see it is like you take somebody that's gifted lyrically rapping making songs whatever they don't have to maybe work as hard as the guy that doesn't have all that so this guy may not be as good so he's got to work ten times as hard to get out there and he made it so I mean it wasn't luck yeah he had to work you know yeah so yeah that's something that I thought about when when all this was going down so yeah so that was that was pretty cool then we've had yes so that we got to have lunch with our friends yesterday that was uh that was a lot of fun that was a great experience just you know get to chill and relax for a little bit mm-hmm not even realizing it but kind of dream building a little bit man this is crazy I put some pictures up on Facebook so if you want to see the their backyard and they're awesome people like they were just yeah they're cool yeah we had a good time being here and the kids had a good time too yes yeah so I finished um I finished this book I know we talk about it every every podcast so far we've talked about Jocko and the Jocko books so I was three gently listening to his second book it's a leadership book it's called a dichotomy of leadership it's a really good book it kind of fills in all the gaps from the first book because that's something that I'm really interested in is just like leadership and I think I don't know it's one of the most rewarding things I don't know recently I've gotten into it just like working with people and trying to build relationships and which is odd because you're an introvert not really I mean you say it's odd but I don't mind speaking in front of people yeah actually I don't I mind it less than you do and you're an extrovert yeah right mm-hmm which is kind of weird but but you're up there alone what are we making yeah when you speak you're up there alone yeah but I don't know so anyway I finished up that book and and I started a new book called blink by Malcolm Gladwell so I one's a it's an interesting book I've only gotten into the very beginning of it but um I was telling you about it and it's about the like your subconscious like your subconscious mind like how people make split decisions and how most people would think that you don't want to listen to that you don't want to listen to that split decision you maybe want to do a little research and the book is about how a lot of times that that first instinct is correct and then it also talks about when it's not correct and how you can tell the difference like by actually you know learning of how the subconscious mind works and all that so it's pretty interesting and I'm just getting into it so it's uh well we'll see what that turns into yeah what's up why are you laughing what's so funny you know you're bring like so anyway the books that we've been talking about the kids books right yeah so I figured I would bring them down so I can show them to people so they can see what we're talking about these are the kids books way over the warrior kid with these little ones that we've been talking about that I think everybody should have this is the the second book if you're watching on YouTube there we go you can see it better there and there's there's three kids books and there's one that's coming out so there's the first one and there's one this one's for it's called Mikey and the Dragons this one's for smaller kids and it's about fear and being brave in the face of fear so it's it's a really really good book what I really like is it's not like they're not like dumb stupid kids books there's real life lessons in there there's like there's so many times that we come back to these books and we talked to them about it mm-hmm you know like even the the kids book the really little one for like four or five six-year-olds even that one it I mean it introduces I was listening to a podcast with the author with Jocko a link and he was talking about he knows that this book is for younger kids and he was kind of thinking about whether he should introduce death in the book because in the book the King dies right it's called Mikey and the dragons and it's about a prince that has to protect his kingdom and the King dies and he's like well this is a book for smaller kids should I even bring this up and the more he thought about it he was like well that's something that they're gonna have to deal with I mean even as little kids they're gonna have to deal with that like whether their dog dies or their grandparent dies or whatever have like it's part of life so he ended up putting it in it's a really good book good lessons yeah so yeah that was a those are a few of the kids books that I think are really good and we got the next one that's on the way it'll be here next week so we'll know a little bit more about that one soon you got anything or am I gonna dance like a freaking clown over here what's going on I was just letting you go down your list that's all like what's now what's on your list my stuff is very it's challenging to talk about you know like I'm just gonna you're just gonna anyway so the black mirror is one of the best shows out there really you know that's on my list here the black I love the black mirror it's probably one of my favorite TV shows if you guys haven't seen it seriously it's in it I mean right now everybody is all about Game of Thrones cuz today is the last episode yeah but I think black mirror gives Game of Thrones a run for its money oh yeah each the cool thing is that each episode what each episode is completely different than the other episodes yes so you can watch them mix you know you can start at season 4 episode 3 and then go back to season 1 episode 2 and watch that like it doesn't matter because they don't they don't have anything to do with each other but man like they they have some really crazy stories in there yeah so anyway we're gonna move on and I was watching what's up are you gonna say something what's going on oh I thought you were gonna direct this thing so I was waiting for some direction cuz you said you're gonna direct it so I'm sitting here waiting and you're just going off your list I'm like what the hell am I just sitting here to look pretty know what yeah I guess so so what's up babe what's going on hmm a lot of serious stuff like what what do you got going on are we just gonna roll it in like that that's it let's do it let's just go go let's go what do you got okay so we all know yeah well no nevermind I was gonna start off alright here we go we're gonna start again take two ready set go okay so my dad's birthday yeah resume 15th and uh you want to go visit him I went to go visit him and I haven't seen my dad you know for for a while yeah and as I mentioned earlier you know my mom and dad got a divorce and been separated already for many many years but I don't remember my childhood with my dad even though I had seven years with my dad yeah and but I never felt that it ever affected me like I didn't feel that that was it had any effect on you know like I just you know I talked to you about this yeah and anyways I went to go visit my dad I stopped and got him a birthday cake and you know my sister was there and we're talking and chatting and um when she had a leave oh it's just my dad and I yeah so we were there about two hours into item like well you know I think it's time to go and while I'm walking out and I look at my dad and you know I told my love you and I know like I've I can't remember the last time that my dad ever like told me he loved me yeah and I'm trying to keep this together because this is something that's it's fresh and the emotion is there and I feel it stirring up so I'm like this is gonna be kind of hard to talk about but people need to hear because some of you may have a relationship that needs healing yeah but I didn't even think that this relation needed Hill hélène until that way it is like that's just it is what it is maybe I'm not close to my dad because I don't remember him and I just don't remember him being a big part of my life so it is what it is it's kind of him so I thought so I was I'm walking out I tell my dad that I love him I don't why did you tell him that because is that something that I'm not that it's bad I'm just saying like is that something that you normally say because I felt the need to like I felt like I wanted to I felt there was something there was something divine going on happening and I'm it's hard for me to get into it because of you I'm trying to give the audience like you know ya know talk about it but there was something like I felt a change when him and I were talking and something inside of me told me Holy Spirit whatever you want to call it whatever your belief is tell your dad you love him yeah and I knew that it was gonna make him feel uncomfortable like I knew that it was gonna make him feel uncomfortable and I wasn't expecting him to say it back I just wasn't but I needed him to know that I loved him yeah what do you think he was gonna say there you go odelay I don't know I just didn't expect you can expect it you can get a hug you can you know anything yes I'm from at yeah so I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable because and I knew it would so I looked away when you said it when I said it cuz I was walking towards the car he was walking me towards the car yeah and then he said I love you too afterward or like right after like after I said it it seemed like there was a pause and then he said I love you too yeah and when he said that like I turned around because my back was towards him and I went and I just hugged him and he actually hugged me back like a real hug I should've brought some tissue and in that time I just felt this wall falling down like just tumbling down like a wall that I had maybe that I had built because I didn't want to get hurt or I don't know I can't explain it and so I'm hugging him and he's hugging me and I tell him again I love you and he's like I love you too and I told him I'm like I don't feel that it's so hard for me to come see you because I don't feel want it here and he tells me like I don't know what's going on with me he's like I used to always be happy I used to always be happy and now I just feel mad I feel hurt I felt no angry he's like I don't know what it is and I know what it is but that's a conversation for him and I to have but when that was taking place like I seen me as a little girl it's so weird I know are you it is like that little girl who's always wanted to hear those words from him and feel the hug the love from him yeah you know and I look back at like our relationship or our pre my previous relationships and just not giving a not ours but the one before ours you know like I'd never let a man I never allowed myself to live on a man not like in love yeah you know and I mean I called you right after and I was a hot mess yeah so what do you what do you think now like how do you feel now like after that all happened I feel that I still need to go back and I need to talk to him and just open up to him and I feel I when I was hugging him I just wanted to tell him it's okay like it's a start it's a start you know because I know that a lot of us live with so much regret and so much anger and and we never forgive ourself which in return never allows us to forgive others yeah and I feel that he needs to know that it's okay it's all good yeah yeah I don't think I've told you before but I I had a situation similar not exactly the same it was over the phone with my dad I I don't remember telling my dad or hearing I love you all the time I'm not saying it didn't happen I'm sure I can imagine that it did I just you know what I think it was I think it had been a long time since the last time that I told my dad that I loved him or that he told me that he loved me there had been a long period of time since that had ever happened and there was one day that I called my dad and just out of nowhere and I was like you know you know what it came from it came from my best friend one of my best friends Chris cuz you know Chris Chris will tell you that he loves you he will tell ya he will tell me so if you and it's weird because it's not weird it's it's genuine oh yeah but as uh as a guy I guess you're not supposed to do that when he when he says I love you it's like why not and you know what I have I meet him and Stevens they're you know they're my best friends and I and when he said that I was like you know what why not like I love them they're like they're brothers to me right so why not say that so anyway like I was thinking about my dad and I was like I love my dad and I haven't told him that and I haven't heard it in forever so I'm just gonna say it and I told them when I before we hung out I was like hey I love you and it was kind of like I love you too it wasn't weird but it was like a pause like it was kind of like a it's just not something that we say all the time so it's kind of awkward maybe I don't know but earlier this week with Joey we were sitting in the car and you know with the kids it's I love you every freaking two minutes yeah and for them it's there is nothing about it and I was telling Joey and I told his like I love you and he's like I know dad I was like how do you know he's like because you tell me infinity times you know so that's what he said and I was like he's like he's always like do you know what infinity means and he explains infinity like yeah it's it doesn't stop and I was like yeah it doesn't stop so and I think I don't know it's important I mean your friends if you love somebody just tell them you never know yeah I mean I just got back from from a you know all but in awake and a friend of mine son committed suicide at the age of 17 yeah and you know to be there and I'm sitting there and I'm listening to everyone who's going up the mom the dad the sister or the friends and it's like nobody knew what was going on we had no idea and I look back or I'm looking at our relationship and the relationship we have with our kids and it's like this is something that I feel that we like as a community just slow down be still be present and listen and ask questions so that we leave those doors open because if a kid feels say one of our kids is being bullied or being teased like I feel that they would come to us I think but if they're embarrassed or ashamed they're not gonna come to us you know what I'm saying like if we don't keep it open if we don't keep that come in communication open yeah I don't know it's a very tough touchy subject but that's something that I've been I feel that I'm called to help do something about and so I was talking to my friend who this happened to and we're gonna look into doing something some kind of program I know there's this problem reason we're not yeah to to raise awareness because you know the suicide rate right now is just it's insane not just with children but with adults yeah there there's a certain age range when people are more susceptible to it but yeah there's a and the reason why I brought that up was because you never know you know like well in this case like you were saying like they had no idea there was no up there may be warning signs that they didn't realize right but they didn't know yeah how do you even know the thing that you were talking about like shame I didn't even think of anything that our kids might be shameful of that they wouldn't want to talk to us about which is something that we maybe need to think about so that we can talk to them about it so if they feel that way they can talk to us and know that it's okay yeah I don't know that's I mean I taught something that we got to think about yeah so you know I've been posting a lot of just on Facebook of being present and being still and yeah knowing what's going on around you and you know telling those that you love that you love them because you never know what tomorrow brings yep and speaking of the charity and you know just doing things for others you know that was something that we were talking about earlier this week a few months ago we went to a fundraiser and it was for a Navy SEAL was a first Navy SEAL that was killed in Iraq and his mother started a charity to help veterans any veteran that needs assistance in anything like they helped him out it's called America's mighty warriors and his last letter that he wrote home was incredible like that's something I'll post the last letter on our Facebook group but if you read his last letter like you think of a Navy SEAL like somebody that's hard and like their job I mean is to go take out bad people but you read his last letter home like the reason that he was doing that was because he wanted to protect people he wanted he wanted to get rid of the evil people and take care of the good people and he was talking about humanity and the way we're seen here in the United States and one of the things that he wrote down in his last letter was if he talked about random acts of kindness and his mom talked about it at the fundraiser that we went to you know that if everybody just you know committed just little random acts of kindness like how much different the world would be or even just and not just the world but he was talking about the perception of us as Americans in the u.s. to other people in the you know outside the US yeah and you know was and and that's something that she mentioned while we were there at the fundraiser and it's uh you know something like we've done stuff in the past and you know like like I said we talked about it on the last podcast and I don't know if it's right to mention there are the things that you do it just doesn't seem genuine when you kind of promote it yourself you know what I mean yeah but I don't know like we we talked about maybe doing something within our group maybe doing some kind of a giveaway we'll figure it out but you know for somebody if if you do commit a random act of kindness will put you like in a pool or something and then you can win something we'll figure it out exactly what that is and we'll bring it up on another podcast but that's uh you know that's something that you know like we joke around and we have fun but well together we together we can make a difference yeah so there was a question and I don't think we have enough time to answer that question let's get into it go for it you know so Jen Chavez thank you so much for just being a part of our podcast and her question was how is it that him and I like I'm very spiritual my husband's not how is it that we were able to grow together and not apart yeah and that's that's that's a tough one I mean not really a tough one but I had a good question yeah that's a great question I had to take myself back and really look through my journal to think back like what what I did not to push it away put yeah to push you away because my biggest fear was the closer I got to God the further I'd get away from you yeah you know the further I would get from you but the truth of it is that I was working on me more than anything you know like I was going to church I was being mindful I was learning about things that I had to change like in the Bible it says that you know wives you must submit to your husband heck yeah I like that part of the Bible and so I had to slow down I had to step back and look at myself in the mirror and be like what are some things that I could change cuz before it was all about me that was all me if it wasn't for me yeah I wasn't doing it like I was just selfish and the more I got went to church and the more I started reading the Bible I started realizing things that I needed to change like I was so focused on trying to change you when the person that actually had to be changed was me yeah and so what I what I believe brought us together is that for one like we love each other yeah we love each other like it unconditional love each other there's some times where we try to change each other but we found out really quick that that wasn't going to work no it doesn't work not at all we listen to each other yeah I mean no matter what like if I hear something and it's more on a spiritual side I'll share it with you and you'll take a listen yeah I've listened to you know things that you've sent me and you know I may not agree with all of it but I'll listen to it and some of the stuff like I've mentioned on I think it was the first podcast or whatever like I've I own there's a lot of a lot of things that I listen to it makes sense and it's kind of like I take what what I like from it and you know what I don't really understand maybe I'll disregard but it doesn't mean that it doesn't have a good message or it doesn't make sense you know so we talk a lot we talk about everything about everything we don't judge each other no I never forced my belief on you ya know at the beginning when I didn't know any better I'd get pissed at you when you wouldn't go to church with me because I wanted you there with me I wanted your support I wanted you with me but I didn't I instead of bringing you closer to me I was pushing you further away from me because I made you I was making you feel like you had to go like I was making you feel guilty at the beginning like yeah you're like I wanna I'm not gonna you know I'm saying that I watch football and that would piss me off and then I just started reading the Bible more I started listening to spiritual leaders and what they said was let them go like don't force him to come don't ask him to come just go and be happy about it and when you come back don't be angry because I used to be angry come home from church pissed off I'm like what the hell's going on at church when I left letting go and now she's even angrier when she got back so I had to change me yeah you know and I then after a while I just left it alone I remember one day I asked me I'm like hey do you want to come like it was no big deal and even if he said no I was gonna be okay with that and you went with me you know and you and we say grace together as a family we I mean we go around and I mean you you support me and I support you and our love that we have is stronger than anything so I feel that our relationship is divine I feel that this is all God you know like you walking into that briefing you know every step that we've taken like he's been there to support us and to guide us even though you may not see it that way but that's okay as long as I know what I know you know and I pray for you and you know I accept you you know your your evilness and my blessing so the way I the way I see it is I think the closer that you get the more spiritual that you get the more curious about stuff I get and then the more curious about stuff I get the more questions there are the more questions there are the more I'm like how how can you be sure of anything because there's so much so much that's so different we've talked about it before yeah like I mean you take Christianity Islam yeah we're not the native of no I'm just saying that like all Native Americans it's just complete different now and I just I'm like there's so many different questions but the one thing that I do know is that the one thing I know that I don't know there you go but I do feel that nobody really knows but one thing is there's people that are like like you you've told me that you've had you know some things that have happened to you yeah we were together I guess you've told me testimonial yes yes I've never personally had anything that happened to me that I feel like is like oh my god that came from God if I did huh you don't feel like Kay from God you don't think our children are divine yeah our life all right relax all right but I'm just saying I've never had one of those experiences sorry I've seen ghosts or any of this kind of I never said I seen ghosts I'm not saying you there's other people but you're not like there's people in my life that I wouldn't they wouldn't lie to me like you like why would you lie to me about the stuff that happened to you with your sister that you you know that you were telling me about or any other situation there's other people that I know that are very smart people like they're not dumb but they also believe so like Who am I to say that it's not like I I'm not gonna belittle anybody because of that you know I mean it's just I would have to have an experience personally happened to me for me to believe but I respect that those are your beliefs and you know it's okay I don't I don't mind at all and for anybody else like that's that's great too we had our own nephew that was living with us that sees things kind of like I see them and for a minute there he was kind of angry I think or not angry but somebody would come to the door and he would have an attitude and I'm like dude you're being a jerk it's like they they feel like they have something good for you they're trying to save your soul whether that's true or not doesn't matter like they're trying to do a good thing so don't be a jerk about it you know what I mean so you know that's just even though we don't see things exactly the same it's okay I think we have a solid foundation and I think that we have all the respect in the world for each other that just makes it work you know because there may be couples out there right now that are going to do some things because they have different beliefs but you also have to be open to it right yeah like you have to be okay with me being the way I am and I have to be okay with you being the way you are mm-hmm because if that doesn't happen it's not gonna work and what because if I'm trying to cram this stuff down your throat yeah that's not gonna work and if you're trying to cram your stuff down my throat it's not gonna work either and people have asked me have you I mean did you guys meet each other this way and we did like I wasn't very spiritual we kind of met each other the same yeah and we freaking took the opposite direction I don't know because I mean we never really even talked about it and tell something I mean and I will share this on a different podcast I could you know something that happened to me where I got to know God and something changed within me yeah and I we were together at the time but when that happened to me something changed in me yeah and I be I became very curious yes and I started searching for God and I wanted to know God like I wanted that intimate relationship with God you know and I wasn't I didn't get my first encounter at church it was at home so I feel that I don't have to be at church to feel him for him to be with me to help me to guide me I feel that church is a community where you have people with same but you know similar beliefs yeah but I don't feel that I'm gonna be struck by you know like if you don't know I don't you know go to church yeah you know so I think your question the most the most important thing is for both people to just be accepting and open and even the stuff that I believe like we'll talk about like I'll tell you some of the Krait I'm like did you know like this you know and and you're like wow that's interesting or whatever and it doesn't keep you from believing what you believe right and it makes me question a little bit more and then you tell me something and it doesn't make you you know stop believing what you believe and it you know and this it's just the way it is yeah but we just accept things the way they are and I think that's what everything though I never relationship to accept accept each other for you know yeah who they are love them respect them communicate communicate in a loving manner yeah that's that's the number one thing that we've done throughout our 11 years yeah and love is all we talk about everything we fight and then we talk but love does conquer all I mean because if you're upset with me and I just smoothie over what's my love passion you can't be mad at me anymore you know like you can't be mad at best oh this was fun well thank you thank you Jen for the question yes we appreciate it and if you guys have any more questions make sure to hit us up on the Facebook group you can hit us up at opposites attract pod calm and that'll take you to our Facebook page you can obviously send it on the Facebook group we're at opposite pod on everything on Gmail you can send us an email on Twitter on Instagram on Facebook we're at opposite pod this podcast is brought to you by Trust Inc us a.com that's trust i NK us a.com and you can tell them a little bit about that trust Inc we are a nationwide mobile notary service we specialize in loan documents trust wills all that good stuff anything you need notarized we can help you with not only here in Arizona but in the state that you live in we are also independent associates with Legal Shield and what legal should what we do is we provide you access to top-rated law firms at the palm of your hand for a small monthly subscription can I share something real quick with that I'll keep it to myself no actually we bought something on Amazon and we put up an amazon review here recently and it's a uniform jiu jitsu uniform and we bought it we put up a review and i took pictures of the kids put it on there and the company actually took the pictures of the kids and used it for their description on amazon without asking without asking they didn't say anything so i thought to myself was like hey would you guys like to sponsor our kids send them some g's that they can wear and we'll take pictures of them send them back to you I mean not trying to get paid or anything but if you're gonna use our kids yeah at least send them some stuff you know and they're not that expensive for anything but uh they decided you know what no thanks but we're gonna keep using those pictures and I told them I was like please remove the pictures and they wouldn't do it so we ended up calling our attorneys our law firm and they're gonna send them a letter to get that removed nice so we'll let you know how yeah well let you know now every experience is different you know sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but a lot of times we have success with they know the law yeah so they'll they'll help you out if they can the podcast can be found everywhere Google Play iTunes stitcher pretty much anywhere that you listen to podcast you can find it make sure that you write and subscribe wherever you can and share it with your friends because that's how the Podcast grows I mean this is an episode that you know I think might be able to help some people whether it's spiritual or or some of the more serious stuff that we talked about so definitely go out there and share it with your friends we go ahead by the way Miguel the Mexican landscaper called in sick he called that sick he will be we got something for him we got something for you guys we got something for you we'd be back next week okay so thank you guys for listening we'll talk to you guys next week hi [Applause]

Jean Kelley

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1 COMMENTS

  1. Melcor Padilla Posted on May 21, 2019 at 10:30 am

    We used to scarp in the backyard all the time with cousins

    Reply
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