April 9, 2020
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Doubting my Faith (and paleo pancakes)


– For us, as Christians, that was another charge for us, is that when you guys decided to accept Christ as your Savior. I know I’m getting a little
choked up about this. I was just so thankful to
God because I felt like that was one of our charges,
is to introduce you guys. We knew you had to make the decision but to me that was a serious
charge that God gave to us. (upbeat music) – It’s a difficult thing going through a phase of doubt. I’ve gone through a few. I was raised in the church, so much so that I
couldn’t grasp the concept of a two day weekend
until I was in college. Sunday wasn’t part of the weekend. It was a day of worship and community. And I’m grateful for that part of my life. With everything we went through last year, I often found myself questioning God. Waiting for answers to prayers, not realizing that the answer was there. It just wasn’t the one I wanted. Not yet. Hey everyone, it’s me Hallease. And I learned to persevere as always. It’s Saturday morning. Wait, no. It’s Sunday morning, and we are here, trying out Birch Benders
Paleo Pancake and Waffle Mix. Just add water. We are not confident
that this will be good, but we are here to try
it, so Happy Sunday. We’re trying these actually
because my mom got us these for free, and she’s really interested in trying to help us to be gluten-free, since Mr. Hallease is gluten-free, and so she finds all these random brands that we’ve never heard of before that make gluten-free stuff
and we just try em out. So here we go. Now I find my faith is
more personal and quiet, I’ve ceased specificity. When I do pray, the one thing
I’m constantly asking God for is discernment in this life. All right, I’ma flip it. Pretty good. Oh. Okay. So we’re doing an immediate
taste test, apparently, because Mr. Hallease
wants to go into plan B if things aren’t good, so here we go. – It’s not good or bad, you know what I mean when
it’s not good or bad? – It’s like a weird cracker bread thing, yeah, it’s not bad it’s not good its — – That’s almost there. – Cracker bread. – I mean I’m eating them – Yeah. – All right. – I don’t think it’s wrong
to question your faith, after all, how else will
you know you have it? Each time something always brings me back into this truth that I
can’t fully describe. It’s just a feeling. This overwhelming sense of love. But the seasons of doubt do come, and I’ve learned that that’s okay. It is because we suffer, that we’re grateful when times are good. I see my faith as any relationship. At the end of the day, it’s a choice. – Thank you dear Lord for
these gifts that you’re about to receive through
the glorious bounty through Christ our Lord. – Amen Some days the choice will be
effortless, like breathing. And other days, well. You’ll wonder why you’re still in it. I’d be willing to put a
bit of baker’s sugar on it, just to finish off the
presentation of the whole thing. I’m not here to sway you
one way or the other, because who am I to tell you how best to have a relationship with the Almighty. Your walk with God is your
own, and no one else’s. What I will say though, above all things, I pray you find peace. Peace that surpass all understanding. And pancakes. I’ll see you when I see you.

Jean Kelley

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68 COMMENTS

  1. Alias Posted on May 28, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    ahhh this is so good. Having a relationship with your Creator is hard so hard but this was a good reminder of why I continue to do it

    Reply
  2. Jabari Scott Posted on May 28, 2019 at 6:37 pm

    Moving through my 20's and (now) into my 30's has made me really rethink the way I choose to believe in the Almighty and the concept of faith. I've really leaned on that old adage of "Faith without works is dead" and I've made the phrase "God is not gonna play you" from Dr. Tykeia Robinson (of Gettin' Grown and #TeamTypingFast fame) my personal mantra in times of need.

    This is oh so important conversation, but then again, that's what I come here for, Hallease. Keep making magic.

    Reply
  3. Britt Deveraux Posted on May 28, 2019 at 6:44 pm

    Why don't you have more people following you?! 😩 Short and to the point, bravo! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    Reply
  4. Angelica Posted on May 28, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    Loved this and I pray you find what your looking for as well.

    Reply
  5. Faith Bell Posted on May 28, 2019 at 7:10 pm

    My name is Faith and I have always lived with doubts, even as someone who grow up like you where Sunday was a day of worship. I’m learning to express my faith differently and be okay with mystery. Recently read a book called Learning to Walk In The Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor. I found it interesting that our society focuses so much on “light” and certainty that we aren’t able to see the beauty in what the metaphorical night brings. Really enjoyed your video with it’s thoughtful content paired with your exploration of pancakes.

    Reply
  6. Myriam D'haiti Posted on May 28, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    Yes … peace and pancakes 😍💕🥞 and pancakes

    Reply
  7. D K Posted on May 28, 2019 at 7:20 pm

    TFS Mr. Hallease in the background is so hilarious 😆

    Reply
  8. Stress Free Posted on May 28, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    Hallease, I've been there. This may come as a surprise to you, but it isn't for God. Having doubt in your faith is part of growth and development while we are here. Be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself during this time. I have a feeling you will find what you are looking for. 🙂

    Reply
  9. Ashley Hill Posted on May 28, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    LOOOVE THIS

    Reply
  10. Rachel Posted on May 28, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    Mr Hallease shaking his head in the background lmaooo

    Reply
  11. Engineer Locs Posted on May 28, 2019 at 8:43 pm

    Usually very hard for blacks to snap out of religious thinking and de-conceptualizing as it’s has more cultural acceptance than anything. I lost my faith years ago after examining scientific evidence for things religious ideas routinely tries to discredit..best thing that ever happened. Now knowing that I’m in control of my life and my output is a clear byproduct of my input…no external source needed.

    Reply
  12. leena norms Posted on May 28, 2019 at 9:43 pm

    This was lovely x

    Reply
  13. Jennifer Kennedy. Posted on May 28, 2019 at 10:08 pm

    Loved this and especially about the relationship piece. I'm also finding at this moment, I'm also needing to be in relationship with myself. I'm spending more time inward…but as you mention, it's about a relationship that needs to be nurtured.
    Also..just found out I need to stay away from Gluten!!!! 🙁 You're inspiring me to experiment with different brands and foods. Thanks for the vids.

    Reply
  14. Shirleen O Posted on May 28, 2019 at 10:20 pm

    "it is because we suffer that we are grateful when times are good " this made me tear up, so true. This is art.

    Reply
  15. PoseidonXIII Posted on May 28, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    The pancakes looked better than it sounded like they tasted. XD

    Reply
  16. Phethia jean-louis Posted on May 28, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    Your videos are very wholesome honest and real thank you for always putting out great content!!❤️

    Reply
  17. Keilah Posted on May 29, 2019 at 12:18 am

    I don't think it's faith if we don't doubt. Hebrews 11.1 is a favourite readers and students of the Bible like to reference to explain what faith is: "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen." It's rather poetic – easy to remember. What does it mean at its core though? Based on my experience, it seems that the way in which that verse of Scripture has been traditionally interpreted places too much of a burden on humankind. To me, it presupposes that faith begins with man when, to my mind, it does not. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for . . . ?" What is the "substance" that is hoped for and that which we do not see or, rather, who we do not (i.e. cannot) see? The use of the word "substance" also strikes me as a nod to the mysterious nature of God, i.e. the writer probably couldn't quite find a word in his language to encapsulate the mystery of the Divine, so he settled with "substance", maybe? . . . All that to say, Hebrews 11.1 seems to me to point, in totality, to the Almighty; there is no role for man to play there. Our nature is transient, and there is nothing transient about the imagery of that verse; so faith must be and begin with the Almighty Himself. I think that is what Hebrews 11.1 is attempting to communicate. For a more humanly relatable depiction of faith, I lean on Proverbs 24.16a: ". . . for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again." And it may not be that we outchea intentionally trying to 'mess up' , as it were, because #LifeHappens. Rather, faith, to me, is a journey of falling then rising by the grace of God – learning more about Him and ourselves along the way. (Here ends the writing of my lengthy word!)

    Reply
  18. Ngibo Mubeta Fernandes Posted on May 29, 2019 at 12:47 am

    Good to see Mr.Hallease ☺

    Reply
  19. Lady Trucker 43 Posted on May 29, 2019 at 2:45 am

    I love your channel 💕❤️

    Reply
  20. MissBoring Posted on May 29, 2019 at 3:10 am

    i liked this one

    Reply
  21. Leticia Wilson Posted on May 29, 2019 at 3:10 am

    Love your channel, you speak from a place of humility and truth that I can relate to! Thank you for sharing your voice ❤️

    Reply
  22. rissa206 Posted on May 29, 2019 at 3:54 am

    Lol why do black momma's give food! My mom always gives random food too.

    Also be careful what you pray for. When you ask God for discernment you'll get it! Sometimes I wish I could be blissfully ignorant.

    Reply
  23. Jamonte Davis Posted on May 29, 2019 at 4:00 am

    "It is because we suffer we are grateful when times are good"
    -Hallease
    I like that quote 😯

    Reply
  24. Briana Oliver Posted on May 29, 2019 at 4:07 am

    And THIS is why I love your channel. I love how you talk about your faith. I too had a moment back in Nov/Dec where my faith was really tested and I had so much doubt. Then my mom sent me the scripture "lean not on your own understanding". It took me awhile to really digest it. Im in a much better space now with my faith. There will always be questions and moments of doubt and that's ok. It makes us human and even better followers I think

    Reply
  25. Dupe Ajayi Posted on May 29, 2019 at 4:13 am

    Such a great video. Right on time. Y'all serving onions too? I'm not misty-eyed. Not me. 😢

    Reply
  26. 2000nibbles Posted on May 29, 2019 at 4:21 am

    You speak to me. I have been seriously contemplating going back to church since finishing college. I feel the call in my heart. The problem is I am introverted and don't like the crowded greetings that come with church. I have been having doubts about what it means to be active in my faith. There is not much else to say. That's what my season has been looking like.

    Reply
  27. geoffrey wakaba Posted on May 29, 2019 at 6:02 am

    Soooo good! Didn't know I needed this but I did

    Reply
  28. Uka Eze Posted on May 29, 2019 at 6:31 am

    “…peace and pancakes” 😊

    Reply
  29. wr4 Posted on May 29, 2019 at 8:22 am

    Been struggling with my faith recently as well. It's not for the typical reasons so I feel alone in the battle. But this was affirming to see. Seeing y'all pray together really made my day, ty!

    Reply
  30. Antoinette Davis Posted on May 29, 2019 at 10:50 am

    The topic of this video and the calmness of your voice made me emotional.. and I thank you for that.. as someone who is currently struggling it is always good to have reminders that IT IS OK! Do what gives you peace, light, and love!

    “I pray that you find peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding….. and pancakes”

    Thank you for this!
    – Toni 🙌🏾

    Reply
  31. C. I. Posted on May 29, 2019 at 1:52 pm

    I love this channel. So worth watching.addicted😍

    Reply
  32. TheEpicPlace Posted on May 29, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    Love your channel and how honest you are. I lost my faith entirely about a couple years ago and being honest about that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and I miss it as well as being skeptical of much religious things since I've heard so many stories of people who denied their disbelief or sexuality for fear of alienation but it's always encouraging to see someone speak honestly about their reality and their beliefs.

    I've been getting into Wicca recently simply for missing that spiritual part of my life but I can never get in deep enough without sort of lying to myself so it's just…an interesting journey. Thank you for sharing. I love your content.

    Reply
  33. Daniel Gardner Posted on May 29, 2019 at 5:06 pm

    This was soothing

    Reply
  34. ValnillasMom Posted on May 29, 2019 at 5:30 pm

    The Gift of Discernment, such a beautiful gift. I pray this for you and for all of us. Thank you for sharing your stories.

    Reply
  35. AllNaturalEverything Posted on May 29, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    Love this! Intro is everything!

    Reply
  36. L Trotter Posted on May 29, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    So inspired by your mom!!

    Reply
  37. On The Loc Journey Posted on May 30, 2019 at 1:38 am

    Love the length and pace of this short film and love the message.
    When ever I find myself in a season of doubt, I always seem to come back into relationship with God with a deeper strengthened understanding of Gods all knowingness and all powerful ness. I completely agree that it’s like any other relationship in that there are ups and downs and that it is a choice based on experience and personal values. Relationships shift and grow (bigger, smaller, deeper, flipped) as we do — so does faith.
    Thanks as always for making us think and sharing your growth with us.

    Reply
  38. Jackielocs Posted on May 30, 2019 at 4:52 am

    The seeking specificity part… that's me. Grew up in church. Always had questions. Walked away from church (not God), now what? I guess this where my faith really gets worked out. Thanks for always sharing so authentically!

    Reply
  39. Vashti Lou Posted on May 30, 2019 at 9:30 am

    I love you so much more for this!!! I grew up in church and I sooooooooo feel you!

    Reply
  40. Jada Forde Posted on May 30, 2019 at 10:55 am

    Sis, Deuteronomy 7 : 3 kjv

    Reply
  41. MUCKBANG W MeTV Posted on May 31, 2019 at 1:43 am

    FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD..JAMES 2:20-26 kjv WE LOSE MOMENTUM IF WE DONT PRACTICE OUR FAITH..

    Reply
  42. Jenne B Posted on May 31, 2019 at 3:38 am

    You dont understand much I identify with your content, your a gem

    Reply
  43. Natalie Tankersley Posted on May 31, 2019 at 4:45 am

    Great vid

    Reply
  44. S C Posted on June 2, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Your walk with God is your own…insightful😊

    Reply
  45. Kaycia Sailsman Posted on June 2, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    I'll definitely see if I can find that paleo pancake mix in my nearest supermarket, it looks delicious. Love the video as always 🙂

    Reply
  46. fdoctor Posted on June 4, 2019 at 5:44 am

    Yes, God already factored in our unbelief for which it is written.."Lord, help me with my unbelief. " tfs

    Reply
  47. Crave The Best Of Life: A Million Diaries Posted on June 6, 2019 at 12:43 am

    More of these sunday remunerating….please

    Reply
  48. Crave The Best Of Life: A Million Diaries Posted on June 6, 2019 at 1:01 am

    What you have faith in becomes your lifestyle….. Doubting is just working out how strong your faith is…❤❤❤

    Reply
  49. Vivian Tompkins Posted on June 6, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    Love this! And now I want pancakes 😂

    Reply
  50. Kay B Posted on June 8, 2019 at 5:54 pm

    I too was raised very conservative Christian. I have for years not resonated with Christianity in particular, for reasons I can't/won't go into here, but I am struggling to find what works for me even still at 40.
    I do my best to be a good human without needing to be"rewarded" or "condemned" by a higher power just doing it because it's right.
    Again, I adore your content, thank you for sharing pieces of your life.

    Reply
  51. Vrai • Posted on June 11, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    I looked at the list of your videos & I never suspected that you were christians, when I saw the title of this video, I thought you were going to talk about a muslim faith.

    Reply
  52. Gabi C Posted on June 13, 2019 at 5:20 am

    Been following MAZELEE and Beleaf in Fatherhood now for a hot minute now and knew about your podcast for a while. Today is the day I finally listened to episode one and watched this video. Amazing! Def will be sharing with my tribe. Thank you for your art.

    Reply
  53. Taeja Williams Posted on June 13, 2019 at 6:23 am

    I live in San Antonio,TX as well. That's so cool 😊😊😊

    Reply
  54. Danielle Doublette Posted on June 14, 2019 at 4:18 am

    Best video I have seen lately!!!!❤️

    Reply
  55. AMBBFM Posted on July 4, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    I love how you mix the everyday "mundane" with the profound! Beautiful 💛

    Reply
  56. Vanessa Fundi Posted on July 8, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    Loved this

    Reply
  57. Paulina Nkansah Posted on July 26, 2019 at 12:31 am

    Really encouraging and what I needed!

    Reply
  58. Kedah Diggs Posted on July 26, 2019 at 5:20 am

    God is good. He led me to this at the right time in my life. btw, just subscribed. Peace and love.

    Reply
  59. Tori Sincerely Posted on July 27, 2019 at 4:12 pm

    You have such a calming presence. Thank you for expressing this truth that even as a person of faith, we will go through moments of doubt. But there's a beauty and purpose in the wrestling.

    Reply
  60. Mad Xyro Posted on July 28, 2019 at 7:41 am

    Thank you, and thank God.

    Reply
  61. Jess W. Posted on July 29, 2019 at 6:57 pm

    I just had to stop the video right now just to say thank you Lord for bringing me to Hallease's channel 🙏🙏🙏

    I'm currently in a very low point in my life and have found myself going back and forth between prayer and worrying (oil and water don't mix, right lol) cause on most days, I feel my circumstances are swallowing me whole, but I'm so grateful for coming across this video cause it was a divine word to hear in the midst of what I'm going through 😊🙏

    Reply
  62. CITY GIRL PRAIRIE LIFE Posted on July 30, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    "We are not confident that this will be good. But we are here to try it." Hallease and also me trying a new Pinterest recipe. 😂

    Reply
  63. Images by Papillon Posted on August 8, 2019 at 12:44 am

    Peace & pancakes to you as well. *I swear you're my friend in my head. lol!

    Reply
  64. B Smith Posted on August 9, 2019 at 1:41 pm

    I enjoy your videos but i don’t always have 25 or so mins to watch them often. I really loved this one being short and sweet and to the point. Less then 5 mins! Keep it up!

    Reply
  65. Sabrina Wampler Posted on September 12, 2019 at 2:01 pm

    I love this and genuinely needed to hear this. Thank you

    Reply
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