January 28, 2020
  • 7:43 pm Are All Religions Equal (Responding To Amazon Synod: Catholic Salvation)
  • 7:43 pm Daily Catholic Mass – 2020-01-09 – Fr. Wade Menezes
  • 7:43 pm Sicily – Adventure of Local Culture and Mummified Corpses!! Ep. 113
  • 7:43 pm People Who Took Pop Culture Way Too Seriously…
  • 7:42 pm Sultan Bahoo | Islamic Speeches | Ishq e Haqeeqi | Soul Satisfactions
Achmed The Dead Terrorist’s Religion – Controlled Chaos  | JEFF DUNHAM


– Achmed, since you’re clearly a terrorist, are you Muslim? – No. Scientologist. (audience laughs loudly) – But you used to be Muslim? – No, look at me. I’m too extreme. (audience laughs) I was Catholic. (audience laughs loudly) – Really? – Eh, Methodist. – What?
– Buddhist. – What?
– And Baptist. – What?
– And Capricorn. – Wait a minute. (audience laughs) What are you doing? – I’m trying to offend as many infidels as
possible (laughs evilly). (audience laughs)

Jean Kelley

RELATED ARTICLES

100 COMMENTS

  1. Josh Thomas Posted on October 14, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    didn't jeff and achmed already go through this already? he's made in china.

    Reply
  2. Zac Davis Posted on October 18, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Your grammar is a terrorist…

    Reply
  3. Tony Badawi Posted on October 24, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    no muslims doesnt respect christians

    Reply
  4. idevai Posted on October 29, 2012 at 4:44 am

    man, Indian government are creating missiles. tell me, for what you think is created a missile? to be used like cigarrettes? US and all other powerful governments will prefer to have a war OUTSIDE of theirs countries than INSIDE. India was unable to avoid Bombay islamic terrorism! the real problem is islamofacism. And you know that because THEY are a trouble INTO your country too!

    Reply
  5. Computerimac Posted on November 2, 2012 at 2:12 am

    Did anyone see this was poted on 9-11 with Achmed? LOL

    Reply
  6. Robert Barrun Posted on November 4, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Like achmed said, YOU RACIST BASARD

    Reply
  7. Scarlett Posted on November 9, 2012 at 1:41 am

    I'm muslim and I find this hilarious .

    Reply
  8. niels718 Posted on November 12, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    promises only count towards muslims… a promiss to an infidel like christians and jews dont count

    Reply
  9. TheBeavadelic Posted on November 17, 2012 at 4:01 am

    sry but yer wrong- Nov. is the 11th month of the year- Sept. is the 9th month. So Nov. 11th would be 11-11. Not 9-11. Yeesh- get a friggen' calender!!!!!

    Reply
  10. Grace Waller Posted on November 22, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Well, he offended me with Capricorn xD

    Reply
  11. TheBeavadelic Posted on November 24, 2012 at 12:37 am

    k…. 666 – what does that have to do with my comment about the person who couldn't figure out what month Nov. was?????

    Reply
  12. Vendetta Posted on November 26, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    thats truth πŸ˜€ im from egypt

    Reply
  13. jbergeron2132 Posted on December 22, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Someone hasn't seen the koran

    Reply
  14. frank borris Posted on January 1, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    @ Deborah smith you are absolutely correct

    Reply
  15. Chusilaria Savage Posted on January 5, 2013 at 12:57 am

    People take things too seriously.

    Reply
  16. Fred Byng Posted on January 21, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Im a muslim who speaks native american

    Reply
  17. zack reid Posted on January 28, 2013 at 3:27 am

    I like peanut better but eather way your as funny as hell

    Reply
  18. Sharath Bonta Posted on February 4, 2013 at 9:53 am

    HhhK kl LP

    1 you I'll 1

    Reply
  19. Ψ§Ψ­Ω…Ψ― ΨΉΨ§Ω„Ω… Posted on February 4, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    racist

    Reply
  20. Der Bibabutzeman Posted on February 14, 2013 at 11:10 am

    When Achmed Not a Racing er

    Reply
  21. laila1989ism Posted on February 27, 2013 at 11:30 am

    No. Scientologiest. Hahaha

    Reply
  22. muhammad sharulnizam Posted on March 18, 2013 at 4:28 am

    you religion racist bastard.

    Reply
  23. Cristina Mirela Posted on March 19, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    They respect?thats y they burnt christian churches in egypt…And abt never kill.If a muslim leave islam what you all will do?Say him ok go??You kill them!! So now please shut up!

    Reply
  24. Yara Posted on March 19, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    I'm Muslim and I'm not a terrorist please stop saying that were terrorists unless your sure that we are * your never gonna be sure cuz were not *

    Reply
  25. Sarah Izzati Posted on March 25, 2013 at 2:22 am

    I'm also a muslim but I'm not a terrorist. Please don't say that we are if you're not sure.

    Reply
  26. Mouad Mechou Posted on April 6, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    At least we have never burnt scientists for claming heliocentrism.

    Reply
  27. Bennard Ebanks Jr. Posted on April 19, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    unless he enlisted in the army

    Reply
  28. Bennard Ebanks Jr. Posted on April 19, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    you're just making christians look like assholes, and many moslems hail us as brothers through abraham, it's only the extreme talibans who would argue otherwise, and we "christians" slaughtered countless moslems "in the name of the Lord" centuries ago, so please take that back

    Reply
  29. computereng Posted on April 30, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    Stop shitting racist.

    Reply
  30. Yvonne Thompson Posted on May 6, 2013 at 12:20 am

    the puppet Achmed has often joked about not being muslim from the start. The first joke was about his made in china label, and they did skits for the television where Achmed did try to enlist.

    Reply
  31. Om Posted on May 17, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    god bless you iam a Muslim and i really hope that all the world would think the same idea that your thinking of…. for me as a Muslim i have been disrespected by lots of people thinking about me as a terrorist because of my Believes.

    Reply
  32. Juancho Geerman Posted on May 19, 2013 at 1:59 am

    hi peanut and aghmed

    Reply
  33. DANTVSVERGIL Posted on May 19, 2013 at 7:28 am

    when did he ever say that?

    Reply
  34. Lord NaiF Posted on May 30, 2013 at 3:46 am

    Jeff Dunham I'll kill you !!

    Reply
  35. blue_is_not_sad Posted on June 17, 2013 at 3:16 am

    Lol Capricorn

    Reply
  36. blue_is_not_sad Posted on June 17, 2013 at 3:16 am

    I'm a Capricorn

    Reply
  37. laila1989ism Posted on June 25, 2013 at 9:04 am

    No. Scientologist. Hahahahahaha ooo damn xD

    Reply
  38. CarvingArtdotcom Posted on June 28, 2013 at 5:10 am

    Yes, what a wonderful world it will be when there are only atheistic regimes such as Stalin's (starved and murdered 50+ million of its own people) or Mao's (also 50+ million), or Paul Pot's (a quarter of the population). Yay. I hope you're looking forward to being added to such statistics.

    Reply
  39. Frulesadv Posted on June 28, 2013 at 9:16 am

    You are wrong islamistes and muslims are not the same . but that's not all killing innocent people by crashing two planes in a building means you have no religion you are not even an atheists ( they atheists they at least believe in science ) But please do not make a lot of debate in a humour video please . be positif enjoy the moment, again i'm sorry for opening this debate.

    Reply
  40. gina Al Posted on July 4, 2013 at 7:45 am

    sir,i enjoyed the the humor and the vid, jeff is a great comedian ,my replay was for others who said that muslims are terrorists ,which its not true,i live in the most dangerous place on earth right now,in syria, i know what terrorists did ,and i know what moderate muslims did.some comments was saying religion has nothing to do with it,but it has and it did alot,and ill give u a fast example to compare,look at sweden and look at other countries who raised and lived by religions what do you see?

    Reply
  41. gina Al Posted on July 4, 2013 at 7:55 am

    you are talking about near history when you talk about hitler and stalin ,if u have a good look to the late history u'll see how many people were killed in the name of god,as you balme religion for being misused why dont blame atheists for misusing what all atheists want to achieve abetter world where all humans can live as real humans! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  42. DrGrukar McNinjaSixthGun Posted on July 14, 2013 at 3:48 am

    Religion is actually a cause for violence though, in Ireland it happens a lot, and two days ago it was very bad.

    Reply
  43. acompletedingas Posted on July 21, 2013 at 12:01 am

    I wonder if Achmed married a 9 year old when he was alive the same way Muhammad did. Or two 14 year old girls the same way Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church, did when he was 37 years old?

    Reply
  44. Jamaican Scout Posted on July 29, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    I'm hilarious and I find this muslim

    Reply
  45. The Backyard Engineer Posted on August 28, 2013 at 12:05 am

    You have 2 much money if you wont to fuck up a perfectly good car

    Reply
  46. Ali Ali Alfdli Posted on September 7, 2013 at 10:04 am

    ΩƒΨ³Ω‡

    Reply
  47. Shaun Zafar Posted on October 1, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    You deserve a gold medal

    Reply
  48. TheIremblence Posted on October 9, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Give this man a cookie.

    Reply
  49. Amine Mouh Posted on October 11, 2013 at 10:58 pm

    define the word " terrorist"

    Reply
  50. Annetta Michelle Temple Posted on November 6, 2013 at 7:47 am

    I love your vids and I love peanut aswell he's so cute. Where do I get a mini peanut. But the catch is, that I'm from Nz…. ??????

    Reply
  51. sparkshadowtiger Posted on November 8, 2013 at 11:02 pm

    Im trying to offend as many infedels as possible

    Reply
  52. flamekk Posted on November 29, 2013 at 5:00 am

    i just wtched this

    Reply
  53. Dick Trickel Posted on March 15, 2014 at 1:59 am

    Sad news…Jeff will be in Portland, OR on March 26th, I have to work that night….damn…

    Reply
  54. Lidiiyh Posted on April 14, 2014 at 5:53 am

    OMG I love Achmed… Maybe I'm the first brazilian fan he have… Anyway my apologizes for my terrible english… Achmed <3

    Reply
  55. muhammad arif mansyah Posted on June 24, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    The terorist not a muslim…

    Reply
  56. kratos tayors Posted on November 6, 2014 at 11:50 am

    i think he is trying to say that extremest are in each religion and that does not mean that they belong to the religion it self…..like terrorists in al qaida Β or the crusaders or the Hindus or or or etc…Β 

    Reply
  57. Jaylene Fresquez Posted on February 21, 2015 at 2:29 am

    Ow my go d this is so funny I am gcrieπŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    Reply
  58. Maggie Foster Posted on March 18, 2015 at 1:54 am

    Jeff thankyou so very much I love watching you and your friends love Walter, Peanut, Achmed& AJ his son, and all your other puppets, Matt the fox one of your many fans suggested you making a puppet of Walter,s wife what a Brilliant idea she would go down a storm I,m sure your faithful fans would love her also Jeff I love how you do so many different believable voices making your friends really lifelike you are FOR SURE A VERY TALENTED GUY THANKS FOR YOUR BRILLIANCEX

    Reply
  59. Johnthan Berndl Posted on July 5, 2015 at 9:22 am

    help i need a new lung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  60. WillieManga Posted on August 22, 2015 at 9:45 pm

    If anything, Achmed might be Budhist. Because in his own words "Read my ass; it says I'm made in China." Heh.

    Reply
  61. BSBPOTTERLINSIM Posted on December 16, 2015 at 8:11 pm

    0:20 It sounded like Jeff used Achmed's voice as his own voice

    Reply
  62. Trace zach daniels Posted on May 12, 2017 at 12:04 pm

    LOVE IT……Tee with LIONS NAMED LEO

    Reply
  63. Unique 3washi. Posted on September 20, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    I myself is a Muslim and I laugh every time at Achmed, Jeff is really funny guy BUT excuse me, terrorism is acts, not a religion (and I mean ALL religions).

    BTW I'm not pissed off or something just saying, life is more than being mad for some ridiculous things like that.

    Reply
  64. Evon Williams Posted on October 17, 2017 at 5:47 am

    really to funny

    Reply
  65. Saleha Kanwal Posted on October 18, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    Am I the only muslim who enjoys the fact that the west has a fear of 600 pages about monotheism

    Reply
  66. Chaudhry Azeem Posted on October 25, 2017 at 9:03 pm

    haye Jeff I'm a Muslim and i got your joke. you know what i'm still laughing… while commenting
    thanks for making me smile

    PS: a terrorist is a crazy individual, not the religion one follows

    good job buddy

    Reply
  67. Eren Yeager Posted on June 7, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    No i was too extreme
    I'm a catholic

    Im an athiest and nearly peed laughing at that

    Reply
  68. Faraz Khan Posted on June 11, 2018 at 8:44 am

    Jeff, you are a brilliantly hilarious guy. But, being so casual about offending someone's religion. That's a 2 thumbs down for me. Try to do jokes on a more neutral ground. World is already filled with much hate.

    Reply
  69. Albino Cadillac Posted on July 21, 2018 at 5:55 pm

    And Baptist and Capricorn…

    Reply
  70. Oğuzhan Kabaçalı Posted on July 22, 2018 at 9:48 pm

    Guys its easy for you to say 'just have fun' because you are not the one who gets these words. Yeah I like his show but this is crossing the line. You know that biker people has a bad reputation but they are nice guys actually but people dont get it and dont want to. This is something like that. Putting thoughts in to brains. Every terrorist doesn't have to be Muslim. Just put yourselves in our place and think. What would you feel if someone call your religion is a terrorist religion?

    Reply
  71. Stormbolt 4111 Posted on August 5, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    Being a Muslim does not make you special for not being offended, so stop commenting "I'm a Muslim and I find this funny" like it means anything.

    Reply
  72. JoseLuis MariscalReyes Posted on August 16, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    I got friend I can call Antonio banderas

    Reply
  73. Maureen Posted on August 29, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    I love this two lols….

    Reply
  74. monu singh Posted on September 1, 2018 at 4:49 am

    They themselves says that they are killing people in named of Islam
    Sorry if it hurts you
    But it is true
    And Truth never hides

    Reply
  75. Christopher Chuauhang Posted on October 30, 2018 at 10:20 am

    Are you muslim? No! Scientologist πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Reply
  76. Amira Naser Posted on October 31, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    who also seen the β€œ tresemme hair commercial β€œ before this video started ?

    Reply
  77. Naveed Khan Posted on November 4, 2018 at 9:41 am

    Clever technique… bcoz this still implies that Achmed IS a muslim.

    Reply
  78. Douglas Elliott Posted on November 18, 2018 at 11:07 pm

    Ever notice? Muslims are always demanding how things got to be. Jews are always demanding how things got to be. And Christians put everything to a vote.

    Reply
  79. Christian Parrish Posted on December 11, 2018 at 1:13 am

    No, scientologist

    Reply
  80. emilyvos Posted on December 18, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    Im pagan/wiccan so he didnt offend me ;)better luck next time achmed but i am a capricorn tho

    Reply
  81. Alvaro GarcΓ­a Posted on February 10, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    Capricorn??? 🀣🀣🀣🀣

    Reply
  82. Pinkie Dot Posted on February 24, 2019 at 3:48 am

    How about create a character of the recent buddhist terrorist went on a killing spree and they preach kindness and no hatred

    Reply
  83. laporan cheatpb Posted on March 23, 2019 at 3:11 pm

    who put atomic bom on hiroshima n nagasaki ? who put troops in afghanistan, iraq, africa ? and after new zealand terror attack ???

    Reply
  84. Cade Faith Posted on March 30, 2019 at 1:26 am

    Jeff you’re amazing dude

    Reply
  85. Pipe Tunes Posted on July 30, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    My condolences to those afflicted with religious disease worldwide.

    Reply
  86. Ali IT Posted on August 21, 2019 at 4:36 am

    I really love it and can’t stop laughing

    Reply
  87. Redeemed Follower Posted on September 2, 2019 at 10:15 pm

    I want to ring that puppets neck……πŸ˜‘

    Reply
  88. Amanda Barry Posted on October 23, 2019 at 3:52 pm

    ….."and Capricorn" lol πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Reply
  89. Here's Chica Posted on December 11, 2019 at 9:28 am

    Meet Achmed, the dead terrorist who clearly dead and loving it!

    Reply
  90. Leslie Ann-Elizabeth Holmes Posted on January 1, 2020 at 9:06 pm

    Lol that was kinda fun .!!.

    Reply
  91. KittyKat KennyKat Posted on January 9, 2020 at 1:48 pm

    Did he say Capricorn!? ♑️ That’s my zodiac sign!!!! πŸ˜‚

    Reply
LEAVE A COMMENT